The Grace of Weakness

I was reading through 2 Corinthians these past couple weeks.  Given my present circumstances, Jesus’ words to Paul in chapter 12 were particularly striking for me– My grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in your weakness.  I suspect that Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” was something more challenging than my experience of a broken ankle, but those words describe well my experience of these past five weeks.  From the night I broke my ankle up to this past Wednesday when the cast came off I have had a pervasive sense of peace–a peace beyond understanding.  I have been tempted to fear on a number of occasions—-will my ankle really heal?  Will I walk and run again like before?  For an hour or two on a couple of occasions I have entertained those fears and begun calculating the possible implications, but then God’s grace flowed through again and I was aware that whatever happens He is working out what is best for me and my family and I can trust him–and somehow that has been enough.

All the more amazing is how God has worked in the midst of this–over these 5 weeks  a number of things have come together in my work that I have been wanting to see happen for months and in some cases years.  That these developments unfolded when I was only able to work half as much as normal is such a clear witness to God’s grace.

Back in January I was in the midst of a time of personal darkness and struggle–I was questioning my calling and wondering what God was up to.  So many of the things I had expected to happen were not going the way I anticipated.   It brought a number of deep-seated fears to the surface.  I knew God was calling me to wait on Him–to trust that even though it didn’t seem like it, He was at work, but I found myself unwilling and unable to wait with patient trust.  Through it all I became aware of idolatrous patterns in my life–ways in which I was getting my significance from what I do for God rather than from my relationship with Him.  I had so much to be thankful for but I had no joy–I needed to repent.

Then God broke in–its hard to describe how the equation changed, but by the end of March there was a thaw in my heart–spring was on the way (we had to wait a lot longer for the weather to mirror this change).  But just as things were beginning to move ahead I broke my ankle.  And inexplicably that is when the peace set in.  Just when I had a tangible reason to doubt and question I no longer was.  Somehow I just knew that God was present and at work.  I knew that He had not caused this break, but that He was working powerfully in the midst of the circumstances.

Moving forward the challenge is whether I can take away from this what Paul did.  In the second part of 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul’s response is to boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest on me.  As I begin to recover (there is a fair way to go still, but things are moving forward), can I continue to rest in God’s grace?

The temptation is to assume God’s been nice to me for a few weeks but I better get back on the stick soon.  Can this peace and joy I have experienced over these past few weeks characterize my life more and more even when I am back to working full out as before?  Can I recognize that God is always at work and that my striving steals my peace?  Can my heart be more attuned to His grace so that I recognize and repent more quickly when I have lost my joy and peace?  That is my prayer.  Whatever comes I see how having experienced this and learned these lessons God has taken this time of trial and brought fruit from it.

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